I can see you!!!

Hello little one! 

I can see you! 

Finally! 

I can see your little head and arms and legs and feet. Your feet are way up over you head, what are you up to little peanut? 

Except you are no longer a peanut! 

You are a little girl! A precious little girl. 

I know this for sure now, after our 20 week scan. 

I am so excited! I cannot think or speak about anything else! I must be driving everyone crazy. 

I wish I could explain the feelings I felt watching you on that screen. How my heart felt when your little hand came up to the screen, as if reaching out for dadu and I. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch you and let you know that I am here. Always right here. 

I hope I am looking after you ok?

I hope that the stresses of our everyday life are not affecting you? 

It has been a difficult time in many ways and I prey that somehow in your little bubble you are immune to all these meaningless trivialities that weigh down on our shoulders out here in the 'real' world. 

I question which world is actually real, yours or ours?

But I do know how real you are already to me.

You have been since the moment I discovered you were a little bean sprout in my belly waiting to send out your first shoots.

Dadu and I already have a name for you. I won't write it here yet as maybe you will let us know differently over the next 4 months. 

We love you babu. So very much.

Your picture is on my desk to help me get through each day until you come. I find myself staring at all the tiny parts of you in wonder, wondering who you are. 

You are so cute and beautiful. I talk to you and touch my belly in hope that you hear my voice and feel my touch.

I am preparing for your birth already. I want to be strong and present so that I can bring you into the world in the way that you deserve.

You are life after so much loss. 

You are a second chance in my life.

Dadu and I prepare and wait little one.

And dream...