Been here all along...

Hi little one

I haven't written to you in a while, but guess it makes no difference since you know my every thought anyway and because of that you know that you're on my mind every minute every day. Dadu has been writing exams. He's been studying and writing for a month and today is his last exam for this semester. He's pretty tired but so VERY relieved! I am so proud of him my little seamonkey. He has been working so, so hard and gets up every day to carry on. It's been a long, tough semester for him, his course load has been the heaviest every and he really wants to be finished now. Only one more exam to go, he will be finished writing in about half an hour! You will be born during his final semester next year, so he is super excited for that one! Then he will finally graduate and be able to move on with his life. 

As you know, I have been taking it pretty slow these days. Almost feels like I'm slowing to a standstill some days. I don't know why but I'm just kind of floating and it just feels right. I have all these things I 'should' be doing, but somehow they just take a backseat most days and you and I just hang together in slow motion...taking time to be still and quiet. I think maybe after such a busy (and sometimes stressful) first 6 months it's what we need. So gonna listen to my body, and to what you need, and follow suit. 

Dadu just called, he's finished!!! He's on his way home! Can't wait to see him. And just spend time relaxing with him for a few weeks. It's been such a busy demanding year peanut. Think it's time to rest. Looking so forward to spending time with your dadu and you, and preparing for you to come. We're going to buy all the little bits and bobs we need for you in this time so that's going to be so much fun! And we're going to get some curtains up, I bought some beautiful bright colourful material from India town and we're going to make curtains so that when you come our apartment is a little more cosy. It will be the dead of winter when you arrive, so we will be all snuggly and cosy in here, you, me and dadu, in our little cocoon. Dadu will be studying again but he will also be here to look after us and the three of us will just spend time getting to know each other and gaining strength so that by the time the spring comes, we will be strong and ready to venture out and watch the first of the cherry blossoms bloom. It's so pretty here in Vancouver in Spring Lylah, we can't wait to share it with you.

Then we'll be off to South Africa! Our other home. We have three homes, Canada, Slovakia and South Africa! So we'll be off to meet granddadu and hopefully both your grandmamus. We'll all be together for the last weeks of summer in Cape Town and then back here for summer in Vancouver. Franschhoek is so beautiful. We can just imagine being there with you in that beautiful big home, surrounded by mountains and love. And granddadu and the grandmamus will help us take care of you. Your dadu can rest after finishing his degree and I can rest after having you! 

So beautiful, happy times ahead seamonkey! 

But for now,  you just bake in warmth, and rest and grow and get ready to join us in the big wide world out here.

Going to have one more scan soon so going to see you again in there! Can't wait! You'll have grown so much it's going to be so incredible.

Luv you my little angel, you and your dadu, so much!

x Mamu in the making

Here's looking at you baby!

Ha! Peekaboo! We can see you even though you're in my belly! Sneaky peaky! 

You're so scrumptious all rolled up like a cinnamon bun in there! I LOVE YOU! 

Sorry from my heart again that things have still been a bit all over the place, I know how terribly that affects you. 

Sorry also for having the bath too hot the other night. You were not happy, I could feel that, thanks for letting me know. 

Still trying to get our lives in a more peaceful place my peanut, and still working on getting our care changed to a midwife and studying everything I can to give you the easiest, least stressful birth possible...will get there, sigh. 

Little squiggle on your toes! Oh, your toes, can't wait!

x Mamu

 

Our gorgeous baby girl at 21 weeks scan! She is going to be as beautiful as her mom!

my baby girl

Dear Babu!

Time is flying out here. You are almost 24 weeks old! Yey! I still have not told you about how we got to know that you are a girl, but I have written a little bit on a bumpy lumpy bus to university, and I will for sure write to you about your scan!

So now we know that you are a girl! That means I am going to have two girls in my family, well that means that there are 3 girls in our family actually ;-) We are taking care of Cookie, who is a cute little kittie, except when she is eating dadu's plants. you might be bale to hear her now and then, though when you hear a deeper sound of purring, that's your dad when mom is massaging his shoulders or sore head that gets too sore from studyign a lot.

My dear girl. I just wanted to say that I love you very much and that despite the fact that I am very busy with school and cannot be there for you or for your mom all the time, that does not mean that I am not thinkign about you. In my heart you are the most precious and beautiful miracle that has happened out of your mom and dad's big big love (into which you will come very soon, in less than 16 weeks ;-))

And don't worry about coming to this world because you great parents waiting for you to surround you by much love and care.

Love you my baby girl!

butterflies and rainbow sunshines

dad

Thinking about nothing else but you...

I can't think about anything else but you at the moment my little peanut! Except for your dadu, he's a part of my soul and therefore in my mind and heart every second of the day.

I am busy reading a book called Ina May's guide to childbirth, and it's opened my eyes and stirred a primal response deep in my being about how to bring you into this world. Today I spent lots of time researching how to move our care to a mid-wife, I wrote a long letter to a mid-wife group that feels perfect, and now I await their response to see if they have space to care for us until the moment you arrive...and after even! Holding my breath!

I think about you, and dream about you, and feel your little elbows and feet banging my belly like a bongo drum, and all I want to do is prepare for you. 

I'm still working but I'm just hanging in there for a little longer as I'm ready for a change. I need an environment that's easier on us both, and some time and space for you and I to get to know each other.

You can probably hear dadu's voice too....he talks to you all the time. He loves you so much little monkey, he rubs my belly and covers it with kisses, which he hopes you can feel. He also wants to feel connected to you, so he comes to pre-natal yoga with us...and most times is the only male there! So precious!

He's still working really hard, but he makes time to dream about you too. He loves your name too and so we both talk to you using your name already, you probably will know it by birth!

Sigh, got to go my little babu. It's late and I've got to get ready for bed so that I can wake up and make it through another day...until you arrive!

x Kisses, and snuggles and hugs!

x Mamu 

Your dadu...

Little mushroom, your dadu is working so hard, you can be so proud of him. 

He is putting his head down to complete his degree, and I know he wants to be out there in the world building his ideas into our reality, so it's hard for him some days.

But we believe in him, you and I, his girls! 

And because of that he will do it all time. 

xxx Love you, and your dadu, so much.

Mamu

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for last night and this morning little one. I know it affects you when I'm stressed. I'm trying, but sometimes it gets hard out here. I don't want it to be like this for you babu, I only want the very opposite. I'm going to try harder and do everything that it takes to get our lives to a place that is more peaceful and happy.

Love you so very, very much.

Mamu

I can see you!!!

Hello little one! 

I can see you! 

Finally! 

I can see your little head and arms and legs and feet. Your feet are way up over you head, what are you up to little peanut? 

Except you are no longer a peanut! 

You are a little girl! A precious little girl. 

I know this for sure now, after our 20 week scan. 

I am so excited! I cannot think or speak about anything else! I must be driving everyone crazy. 

I wish I could explain the feelings I felt watching you on that screen. How my heart felt when your little hand came up to the screen, as if reaching out for dadu and I. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch you and let you know that I am here. Always right here. 

I hope I am looking after you ok?

I hope that the stresses of our everyday life are not affecting you? 

It has been a difficult time in many ways and I prey that somehow in your little bubble you are immune to all these meaningless trivialities that weigh down on our shoulders out here in the 'real' world. 

I question which world is actually real, yours or ours?

But I do know how real you are already to me.

You have been since the moment I discovered you were a little bean sprout in my belly waiting to send out your first shoots.

Dadu and I already have a name for you. I won't write it here yet as maybe you will let us know differently over the next 4 months. 

We love you babu. So very much.

Your picture is on my desk to help me get through each day until you come. I find myself staring at all the tiny parts of you in wonder, wondering who you are. 

You are so cute and beautiful. I talk to you and touch my belly in hope that you hear my voice and feel my touch.

I am preparing for your birth already. I want to be strong and present so that I can bring you into the world in the way that you deserve.

You are life after so much loss. 

You are a second chance in my life.

Dadu and I prepare and wait little one.

And dream...

the life out here

Dear Babu!

Hope you are well and enjoying the vast space (it is only going to get smaller). You are 21 weeks old around now, plus/minus a couple of days.

In a weeks time we will know whether you are a boy or a girl. It does not matter what sex you are to us, your parents, though all we wish for is that you are healthy and happy where are you are right now. We cannot wait to see you (only through the scan for now) and are even more excited when you arrive sometime in late January.

Your mamu is in bed, sleeping with you sleeping in her. Your dadu just finished an assignment and is doing a wee bit more studying as he has a massive exam this saturday to become a solar hot water certified installer.

Hope you are enjoying every minute of the life in there, in your mama's belly. Hope you enjoy the touch and our voices, hope you feel the love and hear the loughter and sweetness of your mother's voice.

We love you very much!

Sleep beautiful dreams my angels!

dad

Sept 6th, yoga, walk on the beach and Al green

Dear Babu! 

I am sorry that you might have been bugged by loud music tonight. But we hop you enjoyed the dance, the love and the music.

You have just been to Al Green Live concert! 

We love you a a lot already, although only 19 weeks old, and hope that you are doing well down there, that we are treating you nicely and that we are looking after you well. Like we feed you yammy foods and drinks, spend time with you, laugh with you, and adore you and await you. 

You will be with us around the 30th of January or first week of february. We don't know what sex you are but we shall love you no and support you no matter what sex you are, babu! 

Love you loads, 

dadu

xxx